i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
