I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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