Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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