??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
