He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
