Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
