he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
