i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
bring money and cleavage
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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