That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
