wakey wakey hands off snakey
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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