good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
