marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize