Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
