I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
