Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
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You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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