Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
