just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
