Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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