i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
