it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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