God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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