i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
