I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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