I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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