like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
operation have a gay friend backfired
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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