I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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