you guys were way drunker than both of me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
