I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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