WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Still dying that you shit outside
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.