at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.