I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
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I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
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You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?