when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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