oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
