What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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