so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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