woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
