dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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