I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.