i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag