Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
did i walk over a car last night?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.