i think my tv is drunk
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What's dad's email?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword