I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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