If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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