it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
