I want to have your abortion
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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