Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
