i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
