I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
