Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
