It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
