I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
