Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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