HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
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