I heard we made out
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
