why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
