Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
