I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
