4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
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Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
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And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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