I could have mohawked her pubes.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
