just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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