what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
