You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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