I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
