I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
